In the streets she mostly goes by Kaitlin (or Kaity), but for all-things-between-the-sheets she’s KaitySex – and the Lella tribe is so lucky to count her as a member.
This 36 year old relationship maven has been brazenly trodding the path of sexuality and openness, alternative lifestyles and fringe preferences, for as long as she can remember.
I would say I’m somewhere between bisexual and pansexual. My partner and I have been together for seven years and we’ve always had an open relationship; we have a three-year-old son together.
On a day-to-day basis, she goes from doing coaching calls on dating and relationships to copy editing books for kids (a much tamer workflow) to being with her son.
“I don’t like labels: I’m not just a dating coach or a mom or in an open relationship or a children’s book editor—I’m all these things. So I approach clients and friends alike with the idea that they’re complex people with complex goals, problems, desires, and aspirations.”
Kaity grew up in New Jersey, but has lived in New York City, Las Vegas, and also, for a year, out of a backpack (It was in the deepest innards of Laos that she crossed paths with Mary, the founder of Lella, and the two have been galavanting abroad ever since: Laos, Cambodia, Thailand, Poland, and the UK.
This fearless wanderluster has traveled to 24 countries, many alone, and eight she’s visited with her young son. “I’m an only child. I believe there is hardly anything more valuable than making connections and nurturing them. Many of my greatest friends I made while traveling, and we keep in touch across thousands of miles of countries and oceans.”
The coming of KaitySex
We asked Kaity how this unapologetically confident + curious version of herself came about, and here’s what she had to say:
“From the time I was fourteen I was almost always in a long-term relationship. I was that girl who went to the same college as her high school boyfriend. I never went more than a year without a boyfriend, and every time I stopped being in a relationship, it was usually because I cheated on my partner. Then, I would go what my friends would call “crazy”: hook up with a lot of people, and be really whiny about losing love and looking for it again (think: a lot of bad poetry).
I always looked at those in-between times in two very different ways: on one hand, I felt like myself! I liked sex, I liked being sexual, and I liked exploring. I was more creative, free, and happier in a lot of ways, but I got massively shamed for these times in my life.”
These in-between times were labeled by her peers as crazy, phases, acting out, mourning the breakup, etc. They were looked at as temporary and as a negative response to a sad and trying situation.
“But what I started to discover was that they weren’t phases, and they weren’t bad—they were me. I had been essentially trying to fit myself into a box that didn’t work for me, and so I started living my life the way I wanted to.”
I stopped feeling bad about having multiple partners. I got into an open relationship. I started exploring the bisexual side of myself by dating women and having threesomes. I was vocal about my life: I had a blog about it, I held nothing back when talking to my friends, and something interesting started to happen. My friends and family started coming to me with problems they were too scared to talk to other friends about, for fear of being shamed or judged.
It was then that Kaity realized her friends were having an affair with a coworker, they wanted to try a sex club with their partner, they knew they needed to leave their partner of ten plus years but weren’t sure where to begin. She started talking her friends through their situations. And, at the same time, she began dating a professional dating coach.
“I began working with his company to coach men (and men with their partners) on dating, relationships, open relationships, one-night stands, online dating, divorces, etc. Now I coach both women and men, either solo or in relationships with women, men, or both. And I still drop everything to help my friends and family.”
KaitySex on Lella
Kaity offers coaching in online dating (Tinder, Hinge, Match, OKCupid, etc)., nonmonogamy (for couples who are curious or those already in a nonmonogamous relationship), threesome (or moresome / multiple partners) coaching, relationship management, and uncoupling/”breakup” coaching (before, during, and after).
“These are general categories, but I can talk with people about essentially any kind of relationship or dating issue or topic. This is super important! Sometimes you need someone who is part-friend, part-therapist (ish—I don’t have a counseling degree, just FYI), all without judgment, which is something you don’t always get from friends or family, or even therapists, despite their supposed impartiality.”
She doesn’t judge you for being pregnant and wanting to have a threesome (she’s been there!) or if you want to explore the topic of transsexuality, or need someone to tell you that it’s okay that you want to smoke pot to calm down while you’re uncoupling from a 10-year marriage. “Most people don’t have someone they can tell their deepest desires to without the risk of feeling shame or getting loads of “helpful” advice. I won’t always be able to say that I’ve been in your shoes at some point, but I also won’t try. I listen, and if you ask for advice, I will do my best to help you however I can.”
How She Helps…
Anyone can book a chat with Kaity, and anyone can benefit from her services, “Because everyone is in a relationship of some kind, even if it’s just the one with themselves. With any client I have, whatever their situation, my goal is to try to help them discover what they want out of their relationships and their lives. Often, we let what other people in our lives want muddle our true desires and goals, and sometimes what we think we want is just what others have been telling us we want. It can become so much a part of our narrative that we can’t separate it from our true selves.”
Sometimes we marry someone we don’t love, we take a job that doesn’t suit us, we stay friends with people who don’t encourage us or who put us down, or we have sex with people we aren’t really attracted to.
As your coach, Kaity gives you the blank space to express yourself as you work toward shaping you and your relationships to attain your goals, desires . . . and most salacious kinks. 😉
Do you have questions about sex, relationships, nonmonogamy, or uncoupling? Have you ever wondered about the logistics of an open marriage while parenting? Curious to unpack what it means to be pansexual and how it applies to traditional relationship models? Questioning the logistics for how to make a threesome happen?
Arrange a free 15 minute call with Kaitlin or book your coaching session with KaitySex on Lella.